Saturday, February 25, 2006

And On and On the Battles Goes...

"All's fair in love and war," but what about when a child is involved? Where do you draw the line?

After what was a wonderful weekend last week with M's daughter V, we had a week filled with phone calls from her telling us both how much she missed us and couldn't wait to be with us again next weekend. Then M got a call last night.

It was from the counselor.

For those of you who have followed this blog for a while, you might remember the extreme's M's ex went to, to try to keep him from seeing V. We had prayed and prayed and finally the judge allowed M to see his daughter with a counselor supervising. The counselor spent time with the 3 of us for 5 weekends and observed nothing but what she called "positive things." So she went to court last month and told the judge -- which was what led to unsupervised visitation and allowed us to have V last weekend at his parents -- and the judge was pleased. M's ex was not. She and her lawyer (M can't afford one and the court forced him to pay for her's) came into court with all kinds of lies about V being very distraught about my and M's relationship, about it being inappropriate for me to be around V, about M needing to be supervised, etc. The judge didn't buy any of it. It seemed that M had won.

Last weekend it seemed that the nightmare had finally ended and order was restored. V no longer had to sneak messages to M to tell me she missed me, she could get on the phone and say it herself. She was clearly happy - his ex had to see that. It seemed that the battle was over.

Until M got a call from the counselor letting him know that his ex had filed a complaint with her employers, accusing her of not doing her job correctly, of V not being able to communicate with her -- because V is "terribly distraught" about everything. (Which the counselor conceeded to us that she knows is a lie.) The court ruled last time that we need to check in with the counselor at the end of every visit V has with us (every other weekend) but now what will happen seems unsure. Fortunately, she has decided to stay on the case - in spite of the letter - until the next court date, to try to protect M from losing his visitation should his ex find a counselor sympathetic to her position. (She admitt that before she met M - from what his ex said - she expected him to be a rat and was surprised that he "had no tail" when she met him.)

And so the battle rages on, and what is at stake is more than "ownership" of an entity once shared in marriage, it's a little girl, who has more love than anyone I've ever met for everyone involved. How long will this continue and how many more times will this child be hurt before peace can be made?

I can only pray it will be soon.

17 comments:

Laura said...

I hope and pray everything works out so that M's little girl is free to love who she wants. You both looked so happy in those pictures in the previous post, I know you'll be a wonderful mother...Good luck, God bless, and keep me posted...miss you <3

Karin said...

It's a very sad thing when adults use children as tools to hurt other people. The sad thing is there is no winner in this as long as the ex chooses to use her child that way. I'm so very sorry you and especially that little girl have to go through this.

green said...

It is very unfortunate when kids are thrown n the middle of a bad situation, which divorce is. ( I should know!)

But what makes it worse is when one parent is bitter and vindictive about it and purposely uses the child to "get back" at the ex for whatever the reasons.

I wonder what kind of a mother is she to be (obviously to me) spewing venom about her dad in V's presence and also to anyone in the courts who will listen....

carolyn said...

Oh, Nan. I'm afraid that you will be dealing with this woman for the next 13 years of V's life (until she is 18). She will always find some way to pick at M. We can pray that she has a stroke of conscience... but by the way she has acted thus far, it doesn't look likely. I'll say a prayer.

Mike said...

That's terrible...the mother doesn't have a clue that some day when the child gets older she'll figure out what's been going on. Kids aren't as dumb as people think. She's going to eventually alienate her if she doesn't get her shit together.

martie said...

A most unfortunate situation for poor little V. M's ex is hurting M and V in the present and doesn't even realize the damage she is doing to her future relationship with V. My husband has never said one bad word about his ex to his children (they are grown now) but his ex ran her mouth about what a bad person he was and it has come back to bite her.

I will continue to pray for God to intervene and make a change for the better in this situation. God Bless all of you! HUGS!!

audrey` said...

Yes, we'll surrender this whole issue unto our Lord in prayers and petitions.

Please take care Nan.

Pia said...

nan, i'm so sorry to hear that. i think that just like me, you have to accept the fact that you will always have to deal with M's X whether you like it or not because they have a child. i know that sounds sickening and i think so too. but the battle will eventually die down in time. maybe not now and you will not hear the last of her yet. she will try anything she could think of to get back at M. it's just so sad that she has to bring V in the middle of all these. just keep on praying. God will make a way. i believe that too for myself.

God bless.

Corry said...

I am so sorry Nan. Eventually the child will be able to make her own choices. I pray in the meantime God will keep her safe and protect her from being hurt and used more in this battle. May God bless to have this come to an end soon.

God's Grace.

Damian said...

The adults around her need to be friends with each other someway to show her unity and to avoid further hurt on both sides and especailly the innocent child. I hope and pray that it will turn from a battle to a long life of friendship with both parties. "You may ask me for anything in my name, and I will do it."-John 14:14

Kristi said...

I'll be praying for everyone involved. My heart goes out for V and I would hate to see the corrupted systems of our land keep hurting this girl.

elmo said...

u remind me of my present situation. my bf's ex is trying so hard to keep him apart from his kids. she has done countless means to instigate some unloyalty in his kids so that they will forever think he is the bad one. sadly, i never had the chance of spending good time with them as his ex doesn't let him take the kids out if she knows that i will be there as well. she's fighting for full custody of the kids and wants to banish his custodial or visitation rights....as well as grabbing all his money!

Kitty Cheng said...

Oh this is terrible! I pray that God will give you the love, patience and wisdom to handle the situation in His strength. Keep on trusting the Lord and His will is the best.

God Bless you Nan!

Genna said...

Oh how said it is to hear what's happening with that little girl. It makes me ill to think about how destructive someone's own parents can be...It's evil.

My daughter is suffering at the hands of her own dad and as I pray about it, I am consantly being given the image of Satan. Satan is going after my own child, for she cannot fight back.

Your story reminds me of that. I will pray for you. The power of prayer and faith is mighty!

Kitty Cheng said...

Nan I'm so sorry you have to go through it. I pray that God's will be done in this whole situation.

Nunzia said...

At the same time, I'm sure it's hard on M's ex to know that her daughter is with another woman who she does not know. She's also a Christian and I don't want to judge her, but at times it's just so frustrating. I believe she judges M and me but that still doesn't make it right for me to do the same. I just pray that her heart will change. God is better at doing that than people are so I have some hope. We have V again this weekend and I can only pray that it will go well this time again and God will work in and through this situation/in and through us. Thank you all for your support and encouragement. God bless you!

Gayle said...

Nunzia, your last comment proves you are probably a better Christian than I am. I don't think I would be quite so understanding!

I haven't been here before, but I read your post and the post before it. The pictures are beautiful. Both you and the child are gorgeous!

It seems that M's ex is using her daughter for revenge. I hope that's not the case, but from everything you've said here, it seems to be. And that is just plain wrong!

I too, pray for you, M and the child that everything will work out. Blessings! :)