Monday, April 10, 2006

Healing for a Broken Heart: More Than Words

“Healing for a broken heart.” That - for what it’s worth - is the most common search that brings newcomers to my blog every month and has been ever since it was first launched. Ironically enough, it was my search for that very thing that prompted me to start this site back when I did. I thought then that if I could put all my rants and ramblings – however incoherent they can be at times - out there in one place for others to respond to, I would be able to sort through the confusion in my heart, I’d be able to unload some of the baggage of my past and leave it behind, regardless of the fact that it would undeniably be preserved somewhere in the blogosphere for others experiencing similar circumstances to stumble on from time to time. And in so many ways, it’s worked.

But the question I find myself asking is whether or not I ever really answered the question I posed for myself – whether or not I ever got it “all figured out.” And I realize now that there are seldom times when we really do have anything all figured out, but I’d like to say, it’s definitely given me some insights.

How many times has it been said that “time heals all wounds?” It’s the ultimate cure-all. Just wait, sit tight, have patience and time will take care of the rest. What about: “This too shall pass?” Is there a grandmother on the planet that hasn’t fallen back on this turn of phrase? But how many times have we heard it said and rolled our eyes before reasoning away as to why it didn’t apply to our specific situation? (“You just don’t understand…” / "It's easier said than done.") Was grandma really just trying to shut us up and force us to move on with our lives rather than cry in our coffee? Or was there actually something at the heart of what she was saying?

After countless failed attempts at happiness, relationships with shelf lives shorter than skim milk – long-distance, short-distance, hardly-any distance scenarios that never seemed to work out, going from fearful to fearless and back again in a matter of months, it certainly seems I’ve run the gambit and shored up for myself a wealth of life lessons before I found a way to make it work with the right person. And if I learned anything it’s that it takes a lot more than time to heal old wounds – though time is certainly a factor. It takes perspective. It takes wanting to be over the past, being ready to give it up and get back up again. It takes a lot of patience and a lot of prayer.

So maybe there really is no prescription out there to be found. Maybe the search terms entered will not yield anymore of a cure-all now than the clichés I referenced earlier. But sometimes, that's just life. And it’s like anything else. Some of us can fall down and get back up again without a whimper, others are more fragile and require some time before they can get back on their feet, and sadly there are some that fall and never walk again. But the key isn’t to just let time pass and rely on that alone to make all wrongs right. It’s to acknowledge that time has passed, realize what has changed and accept the things you can’t control, allow yourself the necessary time to grieve, but find the stregnth to carry on, to try and be prepared to fail again, and keep a positive outlook that - of all things and as corny as it sounds - there will be “a better day,” even if it’s not tomorrow. So even if it seems it only comes full circle to another list of to-do’s, another stockpile of comforting words that do not yet seem to apply, it may not matter at the end of the day, if it gets you through. One day at a time.

I’ve learned to trust God with the things I can’t control and take responsibility for the things I can. It’s been a long battle and I’ve fallen away more times than I can recall, but in the end - no matter what the outcome - I’ve something much stronger to fall back on than mere words, a source of comfort and strength more enduring than the most ancient of adages. And my heart goes out to those who stumble and fall, and find themselves broken, never knowing the enormous healing power of a little faith. I can only hope to share it in these feeble entries. And pray that those who search for healing will also find it.


Damian said...

God is truly drawing you close to Him. I love your post and the honest it portrays. The heart will be broken but you seem to have found the true healing for it - God. Take care and God bless.

thebeloved said...

It is amazing how failed relationships can cause so much growth when at the time of the breaking it feels like just the opposite. Keep learning, growing, and yet never grow bitter. Bitterness is the worm that eats away at you and kills.

Kc said...

What a wonderful testimony. May God continue to bless you all. ;-)

George In Auburn said...

Wow! The last paragraph in this post is something I would like to use Sunday after next when I am to serve as a lay reader at our church. May I have your permission?

Nunzia said...

Of course you may!

Thank you all so much for your encouragement and insights. They mean more than you know.

God's Grace.

Gayle said...

I serve as a lay reader at my church on Easter Sunday as well. Unfortunately I don't get to pick what I read! This is the first time I ever regretted that!

That is a lovely post, Nunzia. Here's another thing that Grandmothers say: "There is no joy without sadness." Both that, and "time heals all wounds" is true. Sometimes it takes an awfully long time though!

Glad you have your faith. I feel very sorry for those who don't.


martie said...

Time is a wonderful healer....mostly because with the passing of time, each individual grows and changes. Nothing stays the same, it is constant change and we all learn to adapt in our own way. God has a plan for each and every one of us and never promised that life would be easy or fair for anyone. He did promise that He would not forsake us and He has always been there through each storm and tribulation I have survived. When ever I think that He has left me, I always realize that it is I who have left Him, and returning to the fold always brings comfort. GOD will always see us through! Praise HIM!!!

green said...

You said: "And my heart goes out to those who stumble and fall, and find themselves broken, never knowing the enormous healing power of a little faith. I can only hope to share it in these feeble entries. And pray that those who search for healing will also find it."

And I couldn't agree more.

I can't find the scripture reference right now, but I recall somewhere Jesus saying that you don't need a doctor if you do not realize that you are sick.

Sadly that is the case with most people living today.

Anonymous said...

God is always in control. Leave it to Him, for His way is always a better way. Healing comes in different ways too.

May God continue to bless you!

Queen Mum said...

Thanks for the comment.

Isn't is funny how our 'perspective' on how something is affecting us makes such a difference? It makes me think of the a man thinketh in his heart, so he is. Even David commanded his soul to get up out of depression.

Good to see that you are healing..
I think we have all been through those things.

God bless you dear.

clew said...

As always, right on point, friend. Heaing a broken heart is a slow journey, requiring patience, prayer ... and lots of self control to not pick at it.

Wonderful closing paragraph, btw.


Came by to tell you I finally saw King Kong, on your recommendation. Impressive. :)

Martie - if you come back and see this, I used that SAME LINE (ad lib) about it is I who left Him in my most recent post! You're in my head again!!!

clew said...

p.s. I've been meaning to blogroll you - I'll do it eventually :/

Nelly said...

Thanks for visiting my blog!

Sycorax said...

Nan, you can never figure it "all out", "all the time". Every time I start thinking that, that little bugger Murphy, and his damn stupid law of his, rears it's ugly little head. Therefore, I take great pride and comfort in knowing that the universe is not fair. For if it was fair, then all the bad things that happen to you, happen because you deserve them. Feel better yet? LOL!

incomunidade said...

i'll be glad if you can come to Criation' Days.

Geoffrey Hirschfeld said...

Isn't it funny how God does things like that, how he just kinda leads you along. I think that is why the analogy of Him being the shephard and we being the flock is more true than we would like to admit.

You are well on the road, mon amie, and we will find what we are looking for, eventually, but it is the journey, not the destination, right?

Pia said...

"time heals all wounds." that is true for me but the healing takes time. and while i'm at it, it feels like forever. healing comes in different ways and in different lengths of time.

i guess, no one can really "figure it all out" we're just given bits and pieces of ideas or visions of what's in store for our future but never "all of it". that's where our faith in God comes in.

thinking of you today. =)

Corry said...

I am grateful God blessed you and I pray you sharing this, may be helpful to those in the same position and that God may bless them the same way He did you:-)

God's Grace.

~Deb said...

I totally believe that break ups can have just the same affect as losing someone due to death. It’s almost the same---except the person we lose from a relationship is ‘still out there’----consenting to not be with us. It’s almost like pure torture.

When I broke up with my ex, they said, “Oh time heals all wounds… Time time time!” Right? I was so sick of that saying I wanted to scream! I swear… Everyone said it.

Then I started a journal in my Word program that turned into a book (which I have on my website)… it was about my break up and how God helped me through hard times. I went through all different types of phases and realized that the only one who can make me complete was “GOD”.

I have it out on and it’s called, “A Prayer Away From Healing”. Just by that title---you know that prayer is the most powerful thing to heal a broken heart.

I hope God continues to help you through any trials you may be struggling with.

audrey` said...

A very Blessed Easter to you and your loved ones :)

Godzheart said...

Take courage dear nunzia, God knows us and what we're in. I pray that God strengthen you even more and you be a blessing, you being thoroughly blessed and your blessings overflow into the lives of others around you.
Stay strong in Lord Jesus.

Have a very joyful Easter.
God Bless

Jonathan said...

Apparently you have been able to reach out to a lot of people: consider how many people come to visit this blog. The comments alone are only representative of a small amount of people. Many blog readers don't leave comments.

You seem to be accomplishing the task you set out for! :)

Batman said...

Wow - you're brilliant.

Kristi said...

I'm not sure how I managed to miss this post, but it sure is beautiful. I guess God just knew exactly when I needed to read it.

You know, the number one search that leads people to my blog is "handling disappointment." It's quite a challenge to me to make sure I am giving hope to those who happen to read.

J. Wendell said...

Hi Nan,
You are very sensible.

God's best,
brother John