Friday, March 31, 2006

I'm Not Sorry (Nan's Apologetics)

After receiving a comment posted by an old friend on my last blog, I got to thinking… When I first started this blog, I meant for it to be a collection of my random musings on day to day things – a place to vent and share some of my “wit and wisdom” – and engage in what I love to do more than anything, which is writing. Initially, I’d started two blogs: one as a personal blog (Nan’s Rants) and the other as a Christian blog, which some of you might remember. As the year took some unexpected changes, it became very hard to divide myself up. Why did I want to pretend to be something I wasn’t by excluding who I really am from what I put out there for the world (or whoever happens to end up here) to see? Why was I willing to compromise? Who really cared if my blog exposed me for the believer, the hypocrite, the sentimental fool that I am?

Apparently, there were some people who did.

When I became a Christian – or shall I say, when I left my Catholic roots behind and understood completely what it meant to be saved – I lost a lot of so-called friends. Though they’d always known I loved God – based on whatever understanding I then had of Him – they decided that what I’d become was tantamount to having joined some cult or having been brain-washed. This was also the case when it came to my Italian family, who believed that I could not change my religion anymore than I could change my nationality. It was a little heart wrenching. I was still the same person. I still had my sensibilities and sense of humor in tact – or at least I liked to think so – I wasn’t harassing people on trains or holding signs in the street or doing anything out of character. I was simply sharing my walk with Christ. That was a little too much for a lot of people in my life to understand.

And so they gradually disappeared from the ranks of my friends and the true friends, who all along knew me as a person and understood my heart, stuck by my side. This is not to say that all my friends are Christians or conservatives or even (gasp) Republicans. I have had a lot of libs and dems and even atheists for friends. I have never based my idea of friendship on whether or not they support one party or another or oppose abortion or hate President Bush. Everyone is entitled to their opinion, I reasoned. I refused to be intolerant – not even of the people who became intolerant of me.

I spent a lot of time managing two blogs thinking I had to be two people – thinking I had to please those people who didn’t share my faith. Thinking I couldn’t maintain my sense of humor or self if I included my reliance on God or prayer. I was wrong for doing so. For whatever it’s worth, this is who I am and it’s always been who I am. And I’ve been fortunate to enter into a community of bloggers who I can be real with, regardless of the judgment or criticism that often trickles in.

I’m not going to apologize for who I am and what I believe to anyone anymore. I’ve never asked anyone else to. I’m not going to close my mouth and refuse to speak what I know is true to keep anyone from judging me or challenging my beliefs. If that’s not the tough persistent – albeit sometimes argumentative - Brooklyn girl who swore to never compromise coming out, I don’t know what is.

This has always been me. And I’m not sorry.

30 comments:

Corry said...

I love you for who you are, Nan:-)

God's Grace.

Luke said...

I think of the verse (I can't remember it's specific reference) where Christ say's, "Whomever will confess me on earth I will confess to my father, and whomever deny's me on earth I will deny to my father".

That's paraphrased...actually, I'm going to go look it up. Hold on...

Mathew 10:32-33
Whosoever therefore shall confess me before men, him will I confess also before my Father which is in heaven. But whosoever shall deny me before men, him will I also deny before my Father which is in heaven.

Praise God for your conversion no matter the difficulties! What a great testimony of truth.

God Bless you.

thebeloved said...

I am glad you are not sorry. I found you through a comment you put on Roots by the River. I have found my blog to be an exciting area where I can share God's love with people whom I would never usually have the chance to meet. Many blessings on your united front and many prayers.

Ariel said...

It is definitely good to be one person. Keep at it. :)

J. Wendell said...

Hi Nunzia,

Good going. Keep it real.

brother John

josh king said...

I agree with Ariel and I see what you are saying. I tried to do the same thing only I just had one blog and tried to fit myself into a definition of what I thought that blog was for. The more open I became and let God change me, me shape my blog and leave the rest to God the more I have fallen more deeply in love with God. To some people this sounds stupid. But to anyone who has done any kind of research on journaling as Christian discipline see what we mean. I am encouraged by what you write, keep it up. I am sorry that you have lost some friends, no amount of "you go girl"s will help with that. That said, you go girl.
His servant your friend,
josh king

Walking_In_His_Steps said...

Well said! Keep up the good work! God Bless!

bezbabe said...

don't ever be sorry.

i mean, except for when you've actually done something wrong.

which, in this case, you haven't.

ugh, should i just delete this and start over?

Paul said...

Continue to confess and praise God!

I've lost friend through some stuff too. I realized that they really weren't friends at all.

God Bless

crossblade said...

yes Nan,
I love u not because of what u belive in, but because of what u mean to me... a FRIEND..

tolerence is a virtue so hard to find nowadays...sad to say even among 'Christians'..

and Praise God u chose to stand for Christ....
God bless you dear
thomas

Flex J! said...

Hello! Great to know that you decided to follow Christ no matter what others would say or think, as what the song says...
"I have decided to follow Jesus, No turning back, no turning back."

Let's keep on and finish the race...

God bless Nunzia!

Btw, I've already updated your link from my site...

Bushwack said...

Well said Nan, I have posted some personal stuff to I guess great mids think alike....

audrey` said...

Yeah!

Just be yourself.
You're a beloved and very beautiful child of Jesus.

We love you for who you're, Nan!

Laura said...

My goodness! As if you were being anyone but you...good for you for not being sorry, I loved you when I met you nearly 6 years ago and I still love you, don't change, don't hide who you are, ever. Love you!

Prayer Warrior said...

There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit. For the law of the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus set us free from the law of sin and death. Roman 8:1-2.

You are worthy becos Jesus Christ is worthy. If God is for you, who can be against you! Keep on sister...

martie said...

Nan, just be true to yourself and in doing so, you will remain true to HIM! Many blessings to you dear one!

George In Auburn said...

Good for you!

green said...

Good for you Nunzia. Be who God made you to be! Some people won't or don't want to understand what being a Christian is all about and that's fine. Sad, but fine.

If your faith comes out in your blog, and that's what you're about, then that's the way it should be.

Believe me, I know how hard it is to keep up one blog, let alone two.

Keep up the good work.

joy said...

go ahead girlfriend! :)

Rita said...

As we say in the South...You go girl! Be you, be who God made you to be, proudly.

Genna said...

Just be yourself. Don't divide yourself up because then it seems like you aren't really a whole person.

Those that can't accept you simply are not your friends anyway.

((HUGE HUG))

Kristi said...

I'm a little late getting over here... but I wanted to tell you that you are doing the right thing, and I know it's not easy. When I started my blog, there were several friends and family members that I did not want to find out about it, because I was afraid they would criticize me, or stop thinking I was "cool" because I wrote stuff about my personal Christianity, and love for God. See, I was trying to be one person to them, but inside I am a completely different person. But ya' know, if they are "true" friends, as you say, it won't keep them away. They will appreciate me for who I am, and still love me the same. And that's exactly what has happened. Sorry for rambling. God bless!

Pia said...

i like you nancy just the way you are. you are true to yourself and to others. no pretenses. and i'm glad we got to know each other. luv yah, nanz!

Damian said...

Thanks alot, that really boost me up a bit to be honest. I love that you see the reality of it. We are all living in this world going from one moment to the next until its our time but God is crucial in everything we do - school, work, recreation, etc. because as anything goes wrong with any of those we call on Him first. Keep pressing on and stand for God always, He always stand for you all the time.

Godwyn Lim said...

You are who you are! What I know is Jesus & Godwyn Love you:-)

Praise the Lord for your awesome character!

Rose~ said...

Hi Nunzia. I had to think this through as well. What happened was that people I am close to who are not spiritual do not read my blog! They are just not interested.

kabardin said...

aww. congratulations. I'm proud of you. (sounds liek ur mom eh?). but seriously.
God Bless

martie said...

Just dropping in to say "HI" and read the other comments. Hope all is well. Hugs!

scribe said...

SAY YOU'RE SORRY RIGHT NOW!!!




no?




Sigh




All right :(

Anonymous said...

I hope you can sometime learn more about the Catholic church and how it can feed you spiritually. You can be a real Christian and Catholic. I'm glad you found a home. Just sad that your Catholic Church didn't feed you. I almost left too. But the Eucharist kept me. And now I have found so much spirituality in the lives of the Saints and the teachings of the church.