Friday, October 21, 2005

When the Past Catches Up

What happens when the present proves that the PAST really hasn't? When the skeletons in the closet not only fall out, but the ghosts come back to haunt? I suppose one finds themself in the quiet of their own mind, where I am now, wondering if any effort to make sense of it all will ever be worthwhile.

A few hours ago, I got a call letting me know that M is in jail. He won't be coming home for 15 days. I picture him sitting there in the quiet of his cell. I wonder if he's cold or hungry, what he's thinking, and if he's missing me. And I sit here, confined to my own prison, in this apartment without him, knowing he won't be coming home tonight, knowing that I won't hear from him again until next week, wishing his past wasn't catching up with him so quickly and so seemingly out of nowhere. Didn't we just agree to leave the past behind us? Maybe I was naive to think the past could ever cease to matter. Even if it's behind us, it still follows close behind. When will it cease biting at our heels?

M has a child and an ex-wife, and while he did everything he could to make his marriage work, and while he's done everything he can to move on with his life, the both of them will always be a part of it. No matter how much time has past, this is his present and it will also be his future. I've accepted that. But at times like this, when the past comes back to bite him and his ex-wife has done everything in her power to disrupt his peace of mind, it's hard to keep my own.

M's past is catching up with him. He's made some sore mistakes. He's suffered plenty. And now his suffering seems so pointless. All because he called his ex-wife's phone. All because he wanted to see his only child. She's kept them apart now for 2 months. We've prayed every night that God would change her heart. And yet, she showed up today in court and told lies to have him locked up. And who does she spite? She spites M, but in the end, she hurts their daughter more. How does a 5 year old put this all in perspective when I, a 23 year old cannot?

I try now to keep focused on the future. I try to look forward to the day when M will come back home, when he will be reunited with his daughter, when we will be beyond these problems from his past life. For now, all I can do is wait, and try to be strong for him. All I can do is pray and remember that tomorrow brings me one day closer, though the morning right now seems so very far away.

23 comments:

Anonymous said...

Gosh I dunno what to say
Just stick to your guns I guess, faith in God usually works and as you probably know it's not always through good situations that he manages to do good
My prayers are with you too :)
Bye now

-J

Anonymous said...

What's he in for? Violation of protection order? Child Support?
Seems wierd he can't be bailed out.

elmo said...

hi there...
first of all thks for dropping by my blog *smile*
this story reminds me so much of one of my ex...he has a son out of his failed marriage and his ex-wife keeps father and son apart. He too sumtimes had to be locked up for violation of maintenance n shit....all bcos of the lies the ex-wife conjured up. I was with him for abt 6yrs b4 he got married to dat woman. Maybe he's receiving his retribution but i pity him sumtimes. I understand wat u must be feeling rite now...u have to have a lot of patience girl...

elmo said...

i feel dat i can relate to u. dun mind if i link u?

Nunzia said...

Yes, he violated an order that they were never really following. He and his ex had been calling each other plenty in spite of the order and one day he asked to see his kid and hours later she was at the magistrate having him put in jail. Yesterday was his court date and we thought the judge would dismiss it given that he had text messages from her on his phone (proving that they are still in contact in spite of the order) but the judge (a woman) didn't see it that way and put M in jail. :(

Kc said...

I am so sorry to hear all of this. We will pray for all of you involved in this sad situation. I want so much to offer some hope during your trial.

It’s true we must all reap as we sow but that holds as much promise for the future as it does pain at the present. Persistence and perseverance in sowing after His will, by this same promise, must result in a future where all things work together for good. Count these trials of your faith precious and know that even in jail God can provide for M as well as for you in your prison. He will even give M’s little girl what she needs to overcome the circumstances of her childhood. Where sin abounds grace abounds all the more if only we can learn to accept it. May God comfort you and bless you all with strength,guidance, wisdom and understanding in all of these trials.

Corry said...

Even though it is believed otherwise, most women dominate and control emotionally by "making" people feel and using those feelings to get what they want. They are not the weaker gender, as is commonly accepted. Plus, they tend to stick together because of that false belief. Seems like this is what happened in M's case. Try to keep in mind for the future, anything you will "give" her, she will use only in her advantage without any consideration for who it may hurt or what would be best but her own wants. But also try to keep in mind: God has ways to set everything straight. He will do His part as long as we do ours.

You are in our prayers.

God's Grace.

Lisa said...

we are praying for you

olympiada said...

Nunzia I am so sorry for your suffering. Listen girl that child needs support! I would encourage you to call the local child abuse prevention center and the local child protective services right now, tell them the situation, ask them what you can to do help.
I have been voluntarily working with the local child abuse prevention center for two years on behalf of my daughter, and more recently the local child protective services. I was abused and neglected as a child as was my husband. God gave us a child. The marriage is not viable, but the child is 5. You and that child need all the help you can get. Start now, today, this minute.
In terms of your relationship...I don't think so.
Nunzia I am going to email you about my first sexual relationship with a man. I think you should here it. I caution you not to go down the path you are going down.
I also encourage you to look up Dr. Laura. I am serious.

Nunzia said...

Fortunately, this is not a case where there is any child abuse involved. My relationship with M is wonderful, so I'm not too sure as to what you mean...

olympiada said...

how can you have a wonderful relationship with a man who has so much baggage? Does he need to be in a relationship with you? is it helping the child? do you know what are you doing? are you prepared to be a stepmother? this is serious business you are embarking on. go read my blog. i posted a story for you just now. I would caution you in this relationship Nun.

Nunzia said...

if I've learned anything in my life it is that we ALL have baggage and far be it from me to hold M's past against him. He is a wonderful father and I know he'll be a wonderful husband. I do know that there will be a lot of obstacles but I am ready to take them on. I don't pretend to know the future, but with God's grace, I know we'll get through this somehow.

ziggystardust73 said...

Nunzia, do what you want/need to do... it sounds like you are clear you love this man, and that for now is what matters.

Try not to listen to other's 'advice' when making your decisions! Everyone will have their own opinion...

Fate has a way of working I believe ... so hang in there.

princess said...

ahhh...how I love these lines...

"What happens when the present proves that the PAST really hasn't? When the skeletons in the closet not only fall out, but the ghosts come back to haunt?"

hang in there...you are right, God is in control of this, just let Him...

luv,
princess

Doug said...

Sounds like you got something out of our conversation.

olympiada said...

nun, i can not support you in what you are doing. i think you need to detach and back away. what are you doing is called enabling. look at you girl. look at your age. i really would not go any farther with this man. let him deal with the consequences of his own decisions. i am warning you do not know what are you doing. i would not listen to those who cautioned me but i was not christian. you are. and i am serious.

Nunzia said...

I don't understand where this is coming from O. Are you advocating that I abandon the person I love because of his former misdeeds? Aren't Christians supposed to be forgiving? Does M not deserve happiness because he's made mistakes? I've made them too.

olympiada said...

nun what kind of love are you talking about? does loving someone mean you own them? i love some who is celibate gay and solitary for heaven's sake. does that give me any right to want to unleash his sexuality? no.
convert him to heterosexuality? no.
coerce him into marrying me? no.
just because we love someone does not mean we have power over them, to shape them to our desires, to mold them to our needs.
do you know why i spend time on you? because i am trying to save you from heartache, just like others have done with me, people over the age of 50.
so are you going to listen to your elders or not?
love is a gift. are you an artist? use it for inspiration. write poems. draw pictures. but leave well enough alone. this is not the time for a relationship with this man. can't you see that?
you don't understand me. let the man you love deal with the consequences of his actions just like i am letting the man i love deal with the consquences of his actions. i have no choice. i too am watching someone suffer, i too love someone that is suffering.
what can i do about it?
absolutely nothing.
girl, you are codependent!

Nunzia said...

there is no reason why M and I can't deal with this together. I believe that God brought us together for that purpose, regardless of whether or not you find that belief to be too "western." Also, I don't know where you get the idea that I am codependent or make half of the assumptions about me that you are making. I know you think you are helping, but you are unfairly characterizing me and attacking me without any justification.

Mrs The Experience said...

Oh my goodness! Codependent? Based on what?!

I don't see codependence; I simply see a woman greatly worried about a situation over which she has little control, and supporting the man she loves, who heretofore has been good to her, and isn't abusive to her, or his child. From what I've read, anyway.

Sorry to chime in here, Nunzia, but this is ridiculous. Unfounded attacks are *not* what you need right now.

You take care, ok? Hang in there. You've got a lot of people rooting for you.

Nunzia said...

Thank you so much! I appreciate the way you've characterized that - and you are right. M has never done anything to harm his ex, his child, or me. Thank you for coming to my defense. It means more to me than you know! God Bless you!

olympiada said...

nun i do not think i am helping. if you do not want me to comment simply say so and i will stop.
who have you talked to about your thoughts? do you have a practice of confession? what kind of spiritual guidance are you under?
nun to get involved with a man who is in jail with a 5 year old child and an ex wife at the age of 23 is definitely codependent.
like i said, you do not have to listen to me. you can go your own way. and that is just it. i think you are being willful, as i told you on my own blog. now you and your friends will not hear me. that is fine. life is not a popularity contest.
so let me know if you want me to pay attention to you or not.
and i am not attacking you. i have no desire to see you hurt. that is just the point.

Mrs The Experience said...

Just ignore the nutball du jour and write your man a nice letter. Or take him a ham sandwich with a file in it.

Thanks for the blessings. :) One can never have too many good thoughts coming her way.