Thursday, July 28, 2005

Wrong Lesson, Nancy

“So what lesson did you learn from all of this?” he asked, pressing his fingertips together and leaning forward as though to pray.
“Not to ever let anyone get close to me again?” I shot back without looking in his general direction.
“Wrong lesson, Nancy.”

I smirked. Something about the sour look that stretched across his face when I said this made it seem all the more amusing to me, though on some level, I was entirely serious. Perhaps, I’m becoming cynical, or maybe I just choose to see things as they present themselves to me. And why shouldn’t I?

Why do people always assume that there is only one lesson to be learned from any given situation? Doesn’t perspective factor in anywhere into the assessment of an issue or experience? When did we start taking the value of our own unique perception for granted?

Perhaps, on some subjective level, he was right. Maybe that wasn’t the primary lesson or immediate response I should have given, but if it was my ultimate conclusion was it necessarily wrong simply because it differed from his? Wrong or right, some things are true whether you choose to believe them or not. Even so, can anyone ever really convince you of your own mind? (They can surely shed a little light.)

As I struggle to let go of the past, it keeps its hold on me. Who can tell me to forget it and move on before I’m ready? (Many have.) Yet, because my response has not been an immediate abandonment of all I’m feeling ("OK, I'm over it - Thanks!"), I’ve been perceived to be “dwelling.” I’m simply dealing. I’m simply recovering in the only way that I know how – as best as I can. And while I've been fortunate to have so many people looking out for me, in the end, it can only happen when I'm ready. (As I've been told.)

Shaken as I may be, I’m still aware of my own strength; I still have faith – that hasn’t changed, though the reminders have been helpful. I’m still the same girl and I still know my own mind (however crazy I may be at times). It’s my perspective that needs changing, and I know that time – and God - has quite a way of taking care of that. Eventually the tears will stop, the pain will subside, and the lesson – whatever and however many there may be – will have been learned. In the meantime, I’ll be learning.

7 comments:

Brad said...

Oh nan, there are lessons to be learned in all of life's misadventures. The problem is, picking and choosing which lesson to take. Sure, every time life doesn't work out, you could just claim that this lesson is that this particular situation is bad, or you could look at the broader picture, and figure out what mistakes you may have made.
Either way is reactionary. No particular situation is bad in and of itself, and likewise, no mistakes that may be made are mistakes in different circumstances... The trick is trying not to forget the things you go through, and maybe, if a similar situation arises in the future, you can deal with it in a better way for you.
The fact is, that no matter what you try to figure out at any given point, it's may always be the wrong lesson according to someone else. You learn what you learn, and, most of the time, you won't know if your learning actually paid off until it's too late, but that's life.
Everything will be fine, don't worry...
--b

Damian said...

Nan - you are very intelligent and God has blessed you with that. You seem to be able to analyze your problems in almost its entirety, but that doesn't solve it, you know that. But the fact is you know and as the old saying says; time will heal the broken heart.

crossblade said...

I agree with Damian..
the last paragraph you wrote is truely wonderful...Hold on to God,Trust in HIM and HE will carry you through all this
thomas

Anonymous said...

read your last 2 blogs and yet again written in true nunzia fashion with incredible insight and dramatic pictures portrayed for others to truly understand your hear felt feelings and emotions.

Teoduke said...

Heavy. But the cynicism of the short view is trumped by the perspective of the long view; as long as you're learning, you're growing. Sometimes that's all you can do. And sometimes that's enough.

crossblade said...

July is supposed to be the most pleasant month of the year but was this so this time...I've put a post on my blog on this...its may sound a little too absurd..but please do visit and let me know ur thoughts...

- thomas

Anthony said...

Nan,
My aunt Chrissy told me about you posting a comment on my blog. Needless to say I haven't posted much recently, as I have the attention span of a 2 month Jack Russell. I'm sure you have heard that I am having some trying times in my relationship as well (if you can even call it that anymore). I would love to talk to you more about our feelings as I feel you are someone who can truly relate to the way I feel right now. If you wouldn't judge me for being a soldier as some have, please feel free to email me at anthony.s.carro@us.army.mil or the same screen name on MSN.
Anthony