Thursday, July 07, 2005

Is it EVER Really "Different?"

When does the past cease to be a lesson? The correct answer is never, but all to often, we forget to remember that. Why do we feel the need to define every relationship as being "different," anyway? How many times have we used this as the end-all excuse in trying to explain away our feelings or justify feeling a way that others may not understand? "I'm telling you, I can't explain it, but THIS time, it's DIFFERENT." Who are we kidding anyway?

I suppose that if I knew the answers, I wouldn't be writing this blog. Most likely, I'd be richer than Oprah and selling more self-help books than Dr. Phil, Joel Osteen, and Rick Warren put together. But although we don't profess to know all the answers -- well, most of us don't, but this is Washington and there are many people here who firmly believe that they fully grasp the truth -- does that mean we shouldn't ask the questions?

How many times have we really taken the time to examine the pieces of our shattered pasts? Have we really considered the causes or extracted the necessary lessons we should have learned? Or have we been content to repeat them, believing that eventually we'd learn our lessons, resigning ourselves to the notion that we really only learn the hard way anyway?

Sad to say, but true, this is often the case, and it is often this willingness to forgo deep "dwelling" over the past that safeguards us from becoming cynical in the face of new possibilities. "This time it really WILL be different." But has there been change? Have we really come away from the past with anything of substance to aid us in the present or possibly carry us through to the future? Or have we accepted the vicious circle that our lives have become, throwing ourselves without caution into relationship after relationship in the hope that eventually the madness will end?

I'm learning daily that love is a rollercoaster with downs as intense as ups, and that, no, it does not get any easier. Whether we accept how clueless we are, or are convinced that we have it all figured out, we are still being educated. Only now, we risk being proven wrong or foolish -- but do so in favor of extracting all the joy we can from the moment, because the moment may be all we've got and is the precious little we can really hold on to.

Why do we - who've healed after having been hurt - continue to play Russian Roulette with our hearts? Probably because the pay-off is so great -- and the game is so exciting.

Isn't that what it's all about anyway?


Jen said...

I believe it is different for everyone. I think that we all hold on to the past experiences and justify the hurt as mistakes or learning experiences in order to put the blame some where else or onto someone else. Everyone takes things in differently:
Some ignore their experiences and repeat them.
Some blame themselves and drown in sorrow.
Some adjust themselves by changing weaker traits. (IE/ being gullible, being too nice, too mean, too jealous, too trustworthy, too deceitful and more.)
Some just play the game of love and indulge in their individuality and freedom yet in closed doors are just lonely and sad.
Some find their true love, but their past experiences scar them to indulge in pessimism that then causes friction.
Some find false love, but choose to turn to optimism to believe it is better than it really is.

No matter which type of person we are, we all still cannot escape the hurt.
Although many of us repeat the pain but in various ways, its as if we enjoy the thrill of that same rollercoaster ride you described. It is as if we are the designers of the rollercoaster. If we choose not to see the true warning signs of doom to come then the fall becomes fierce and scary, but when expected we could just choose not to ride on it. Without pain we would not appreciate the great, without bad mistakes we wouldn't appreciate the good choices. So the pain and happiness go together hand-in-hand. However, I do not think it is fair to suffer with pain or hurt if we have not learned the reasons behind it all.

Libbet said...

Hey girlie,

I don't have time for the novel I could write in reply, just wanted to drop you a note with my URL :)


Mark from MySpace said...

IT is scary, but I believe the way I feel now about someone is truly different. Like no jsut a different person, but a mix of emotions and thoughts that I have never ever experienced before in my life. Very scary.

crossblade said...

love really is a roller coaster
anyway thanx for comming over to my blog
u are welcome anytime
there are links to a lot of
christian blogs in my page
u too are invited to join the
Fellowship of Christian bloggers
initiated by Tessie
God bless

Fixed Gear Flyer said...

Deep and meaningful thoughts, dear stranger. You're a prolific writer with a lot of interesting ideas rolling around in the midst of your creativity. Thanks for dropping by my young and poorly directed blog to say,"Hi."

Oh. And my job really isn't that much more interesting than yours. I fly planes, pound the occassional nail, and do my best to get paid for my photographs. In my spare time, I try to ride my bikes so they don't get lonely. When repeated often enough, even the most eclectic group of money-making ventures becomes 'normal'.

Visit again soon. Cheers!

Srikar said...

First time here. Nice blog. thought provoking.

You seem to be someone who's interested in photography. Check out my photoblog -

Will surely be back here.

Nunzia said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Anonymous said...

Every relationship is analogous to any class you ever took in high school. You either learn from it and move to the next one, or you fail to educate yourself and are destined to repeat it. Relationships are one of the biggest factors in shaping ourselves, but the key to the proper form is to understand we ultimately control the actual relationship. The who, what, where, when, and how is fully dictated by our emotions and intentions. That in itself is not enough though, we must learn along the way why we do the things we do. Why do we always find a partner with the same flaws, why do we always wreck the relationship subconsciously, why does it always end so badly, why, why, why? These things are plainly visible; we just have to learn to open our eyes to them. Identify, understand, and finally accept. That is how we learn. That is how we find the “one”. That is how we make each relationship “different”.

Posted by Tuck on Friday, July 08, 2005 at 4:11 PM