Saturday, March 17, 2007

Keeping God in the Details

It has been some time since I posted. It is not because I have been completely destroyed by the death of my precious niece. I have not stayed away because I’ve lost an ounce of hope or faith. It has just taken me some time for me to be able to write again. (Fortunately, I was encouraged and admonished about this recently by a dear friend I had not seen in many seasons.) Abby’s death still weighs heavy on my heart but I am secure in knowing that God has a purpose, even if I don’t know or understand what it is right now and even if the details leading up to her death still haunt me.

In the months that have followed, I have been consumed with trying to keep up with the workload for my second semester as a 1L, which has been quite challenging. I have also been trying to recover from another car accident I was in just a few days after Abigail’s funeral in NY that was certainly a setback to my progress. To quote my physical therapist, I am "back at zero." But in these months I have discovered that it is more than just mind over matter, it is keeping God in the details.

About two years ago, after having one spinal procedure and one major surgery that left me hospitalized for a month and not walking unassisted for some time afterwards, I was told that I needed a double spinal fusion. I’ll spare you the gruesome details and just note that it involves removing discs, bone grafting and inserting metal rods and screws into the spine and pelvis. (I guess that was still pretty gruesome. Sorry.) This was before this last accident and after the second of three that have taken such a toll on my body. For years I wondered why God would not heal me. I struggled with being in pain all the time and muddled through physical therapy, which only seemed to make matters worse and showed me how far I needed to go to get better.

This time, I decided to try something new. I decided to work this through without doctors and with God. M and I moved recently into a great building in Arlington that has a rooftop gym with an amazing view of Washington DC. For the last two weeks, I have been going up there almost every day and “working out like a rockstar,” as I like to put it. I’ve been on spring break this week and so I have had the gym mostly to myself. I’ve been amazed at what I am capable of doing if I approach it in prayer. I know there is a long road ahead to recovering completely and I may not be able to push surgery off permanently, but I feel stronger and healthier and more capable then I have in years. I have turned my workout into a time of worship. With Chris Tomlin and Matt Redman blasting through my ear buds, I feel strength that I didn’t know I had and it is taking me miles – literally.

Sometimes there are so many distractions that make staying in constant conversation with God difficult. But it is in the little things, such as washing dishes, cleaning the house, going to the grocery store, or taking care of our bodies that we can magnify Him. (I'm sure there are some better examples that don't involve chores that could be inserted into that sentence too.) It certainly has taken me further than I ever could have gone on my own. And who knows how far I’ve yet to go! It helps to know that I'm not going it alone... and never really was.


Anonymous said...

nan, can you pray for me and jec please? i'm in so much pain with what's happening. please pray for us. nan, i need your help.

Corry said...

God bless you, girl!
And you also have friends here, who will go the extra mile with you :-)

God's Grace.

Anonymous said...

To the cross I look, to the cross I cling
Of its suffering I do drink
Of its work I do sing

For on it my Savior both bruised and crushed
Showed that God is love
And God is just

At the cross You beckon me
You draw me gently to my knees, and I am
Lost for words, so lost in love,
I’m sweetly broken, wholly surrendered

Nightcrawler said...

God bless you and your family and may he speed your physical and emotional healing. I apologize for not keeping up to date with you (I'm a bad blogger) but I will try.

Thwarthwimple said...

you're a mile-a-minute; keep it up, and God bless.

green said...

nunzia: I'm sorry to hear about your most recent accident. But I count it as a blessing that you have been able to draw closer to God through all of this and it will only benefit you in the long run.

I'm glad law school is going reasonably well, however hectic it may be.

Keep in touch, my friend.


Sally said...

Glad to see you're back in the blog world. Your faith is strong -- it's very evident! =)

Bill Scott, Sr. said...

Wow, you are an inspiration to me....thank you for posting such a heart felt positive post. You have necouraged me to draw closer and closer to the Lord in my day to day stuff. thanks.

martie said...

Glad to have you back....I missed you. Sorry to hear about another accident and hoping that the Lord bestows many blessings on you and M as you have been a true blessing to me.

Hugs and good thoughts coming your way.

KayMac said...

Welcome back! have been and will continue to pray for you.

Margie said...

great post!! you are right! We go a lot further with God in the details!

Cinder said...

I'm so glad to see you back around the blogging world. I hope He'll continue to pour healing into your body and that it will be a time of you being able to draw strength from Him.

I needed to read this post...He is definitely in every aspect of life and when we are able to begin looking at every moment as a chance to be with Him, that becomes a lot more apparent.

At the cross, I find peace
At the cross, I find life
At the cross you suffered and died for me

Your blood has washed me whiter than snow
Forgiveness is found at the crimson flow
Mercy has triumped - my debt has been paid
At the cross

At the cross, you took my place
At the cross, you bore my shame
At the cross, you suffered and died for me
(Holland Davis)